Why Are You So Afraid?

One of my mentors told me “faith is not necessary for what you know, but it is required for what you don’t.” Today, I am writing this blog post in hopes that you step out on whatever God is calling you to do despite the unknown.

I got my first job when I was 15 years old. I remember when my “adopted” sister worked at a clothing store in the mall and asked me if I wanted to work for her. I was so excited! The night before my first day of work, I barely slept because I was so excited, but nervous all at the same time. I didn’t make much money then, but I was in high school with no bills living the life so I thought I was ballin’! I spent money on whatever I wanted (after saving because my mama wasn’t having that, lol). But, those $7/hour wasn’t enough for me….I wanted more.

You see, growing up we didn’t have a lot of money. I’m not going to say we were poor because we weren’t. But I do know my mom worked her butt off to put food on the table. I remember eating chip sandwiches thinking they were cool. As I got older, I realized my mom was protecting me from our lack. She didn’t want me to see that she was struggling to make ends meet as a single parent. She didn’t want me to see the many nights she cried thinking I didn’t hear her. So one day I decided I was going to become the President or CEO of some organization and make millions so that my mother never had to go another day worrying about how she was going to pay a bill. So far, I have been successful in going in that direction.

Until now.

Currently, I work at a place that has paid me more money than I have ever been paid, with benefits and perks. But in the last two months or so, God has been tugging on my heart to walk away. I dismissed those thoughts many times because I just KNEW God wouldn’t tell me something like that. I mean, c’mon God KNOWS me and he KNOWS that I would never do that. I got bills, debt, expenses, life to pay for…oh not to mention my job will pay for my doctoral degree when I’m ready to go back to school. So, time after time again I would tell the “devil” to get behind me! (Funny how we can often times mistaken God’s voice for the devil when he tells us to do something that makes us uncomfortable…but I’m not even going there…for now).

At Victory, we do a 21 day fast at the beginning of the year. God was calling me to do the Daniel’s fast because I have never been successful at it (until this year, whoot whoot). During my fast, I consistently prayed for God to show me direction with my job. Proverbs 3:6 and Matthew 14:22-31 came up multiple times. In Matthew 14 where Peter walked on water, God gave me new revelation—Peter stepped out on the water, we all know that. But the disciples who were in the boat didn’t. They let fear keep them from experiencing an intimate moment with Jesus. They never experienced the impossible and they never experienced the reassurance of Jesus’ hand pulling them up (or promoting them) to higher levels.

So, I said okay Jesus you want me to leave. And I began doing what I knew to do –plan. I created a plan for when I was going to leave, how I was going to save up, etc. I was extremely nervous and afraid. Then a few days later I began to get convicted in my heart and the saying “delayed obedience is disobedience” kept running through my mind and I felt like God said to me, “Chikela, why are you putting a plan together? That is not faith. That is not trust. When Peter stepped out on the boat he wasn’t holding onto the side of the boat. He just got out. He didn’t ask me for an insurance plan!” and then he led me to Mark 4:35-41. What stood out the most was verse 40 where Jesus said, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” I immediately knew what I needed to do, despite what my natural self thought. So, after my lunch break on February 8, 2017 I wrote my resignation letter and turned it in to my supervisor.

I cannot explain to you the freedom I felt that was lifted off of me as I printed my letter. If I could, I would’ve ran through the halls and shouted for joy because I have never felt more alive in my life. No, I do not know what’s next. Yes, I am still very nervous. But, I just want to follow and obey Jesus. If that makes me look crazy to most, so be it. I don’t answer to you, I answer to Him. And quite frankly, so do you too.

So, why are you so afraid?